Sex for Women After Menopause: What You Should Know

Sex After Menopause: What Women Should Know

     From puberty, at around the age of ten until around the age of 51 or 52 (Ellis, 2021), every woman has what is referred to as a menstrual cycle. She ovulates, gets her monthly period, and can bear children. But, after the age of fifty-one or fifty-two, a life-cycle change starts in the normal woman.

     This is what is known as menopause. A woman’s body begins preparing herself for menopause in her mid-forties. This is what is known as “early menopause”. Menopause that starts before the age of forty is what is known as premature menopause (Ellis, 2023).

     This period of life called menopause is strictly, and one hundred percent hormonal.  Estrogen and testosterone decrease in the woman’s body and most of the time sexual arousal is not as heightened as before the arrival of menopause. Less sensitivity to touching and stroking also occurs. In most cases this leads to a lack of sexual desire (Begum, 2023).

     Other factors that women deal with upon the onset of menopause include:

          Bladder control problems

          Sleep disturbances.

          Depression or anxiety

          Stress

          Medications

          Health Concerns (Begum, 2023)

     Although in most cases women who go through menopause report loss of sexual desire it is true that for some post-menopausal women an increase in sex drive happens. The explanation for this usually is due to the woman at this time period feeling like she can let her inhibitions go and enjoy sexual relations like never before with her partner because pregnancy is no longer an issue and by the age of fifty-one the children are out of the house (if she has any children) and raising kids is no longer an issue (Begum, 2023). Therefore, she can relax, lay back and enjoy sex because of the empty nest she and her partner can enjoy.

     In most women who suffer a lack of sexual desire, vaginal dryness is a major issue.

     Vaginal dryness can be treated with water soluble lubricants during intercourse such as KY Jelly, KY Glide, pretty much any KY product (and this author recommends KY Jelly first and KY Glide as an alternative, as this is what he uses with his partner as well as solo play), or else Astroglide, etc. It is not recommended to use Vaseline because this oil-based lubricant will weaken the condom (always practice safer sex with a partner by using latex condoms. I highly recommend my favorite brand: Trojan condoms).

     It takes about one year of non-ovulation for a woman to be declared menopausal (Kay, 2021), therefore, for that twelve-month period, despite no emittance of blood the woman should always use a form of birth control, just in case she has a case of delayed ovulation. Unless the couple is prepared to welcome a new bundle of joy at some point in the future it is recommended to be safe than to be sorry.

HOW TO IMPROVE SEXUAL DESIRE

IN WOMEN AFTER MENOPAUSE?

     Estrogen replacement many times works especially for vaginal dryness, but the miracle of modern medicine has led doctors to study whether a combination of estrogen and male hormones called “androgens” may increase female libido (Begum, 2023). Although it is difficult for many women, talking to their gynecologist is always recommended. They are medical doctors, trained in all aspects of female anatomy and human sexuality and sexual problems. There is absolutely no shame in any woman discussing any sexual issues or problems that she or they may be having. Talking to a doctor may spur a meeting with a referral to a sex therapist who deals in sexual dysfunctional issues and the woman may receive counseling separate from her partner, or with her partner, or else her partner only and not her will help solve whatever sexual problem or problems she might be having in the bedroom.

     Something that is worth mentioning to your doctor. Currently, there is a sexual aid on the market called “Eros”. It is available by prescription to treat women with sexual arousal disorders. This device consists of a suction cup placed over the clitoris before sex, and a small, battery-operated vacuum pump.  The gentle suction action of the pump stimulates blood flow into the clitoris, increasing pressure on the clitoral nerve. This little magical device increases lubrication, sensation and even the number of orgasms many women have who have tried it (Begum, 2023). With this kind of technology available, I would highly recommend all women with sexual arousal issues talk to their gynecologists about Eros.

     Speaking of orgasms. The question on many older couple’s minds, and especially middle-aged women’s minds who are just entering menopause is, “Is it possible to achieve orgasm after I begin the ‘change’?”

     There is wonderful news on that front. The answer to that question is a resounding “Yes!”

     All it takes to achieve orgasms, and I am talking MULTIPLE orgasms here, is simply small changes both in solo and partnered sex that will increase pleasure and well-being. This will also increase emotional intimacy and mental and emotional health also.

     I will go through a short list of only three things every woman can do if she/they want to increase their chances to have great, mighty orgasms. But one thing that must be kept in mind even before I get onto the list. While the reader reads this list and absorbs the information upon taking my advice and doing these activities, the number one activity that the sexually active menopausal woman must do for any of these things to work is to just focusing on the pleasure you are EXPERIENCING RIGHT THERE, AT THAT MOMENT, without dwelling on your body reaching the orgasm as the specific goal will likely get you there quicker. In other words, don’t try too hard. Lay back, enjoy yourself. Let your body experience the erotic moments and you will find yourself eventually falling off the cliff into the wild, mighty grip of the female orgasm.

Activity #1:

Reach for the KY-Jelly (Or KY-Glide, but I prefer the jelly)

     This is a big one because almost every menopausal woman at some point in their post childbearing years will experience vaginal dryness. It is very hard to experience great sex with your partner or great solo sex with a vibrator if you are dry and rough down there. I’d suggest taking a very liberal amount of the jelly and lubing your vagina, so you are very slicked up and then, if you are getting ready to make love to a partner who owns a penis and assuming he goes by the pronouns “he/him”, give your partner the tube of jelly and have him lube his penis up until he is very slick as well. Then, you will be ready for intercourse. If you are getting ready to masturbate with a vibrator or dildo, then lube up the toy very liberally and then your vagina. Then, lay back, turn the vibrator on or insert the dildo and watch the magic happen!

     If you are making love to a partner who owns a penis, periodically, the friction may make the jelly dry out, so then stop and slick yourselves up again. Keep going and watch the magic happen!

Activity #2:

Direct Stimulation

     While going through menopause the woman’s blood flow to the vagina and clitoris decreases. Considering that most women need as much clitoral stimulation as possible to achieve an orgasm the fact that there is a lack of blood flow to the vagina and clitoris makes climaxing harder (Kay, 2021).

     Certain things like giving each other sensuous massages and dirty talk helps but from personal experience I have found that using a sex toy works wonders.

     When my wife was going through menopause some years ago her libido took a major nosedive rather suddenly upon the changing hormones in her body. Since one of my specialties is sex toys, naturally I got the bright idea that I would get a toy that would rock her body and her world. So, I chose the powerful wand vibrator. Now, in our marriage, I am the one who usually uses vibrators. For many years I used penile toys, like masturbators, artificial vaginas and strokers. Lately, I have been using anal toys. My wife is not exactly a connoisseur of sex toys. However, she even agreed to try the vibrator when her libido took a nosedive.

     Upon using this powerful tool, she began having earth splitting orgasms, multiple to be sure, and her sex drive began increasing rapidly. Blood flow to her vagina and clitoris increased and now, three years later, our sex life is as active as it was when we were newlyweds thirty years ago because she is willing to experiment voraciously with sex toys. Sex is not painful at all for her because we use our trusty KY-Jelly on the toy and her vaginal opening. I also smother a good, liberal amount of the jelly on my penis, slicking it up good. With the combination of all three things being slippery wet there’s a good deal of lubrication which allows for easy sliding of my penis into her vagina and the toy into her vagina and the sex is, well, let’s just say, better than when we first met right out of high school when we were both horny eighteen year olds who couldn’t get enough of each other’s bodies and lubrication was not the most needed item on our list. Oh well, moving on to our next point.

Activity #3:

Engage in plenty of foreplay and this especially includes kissing and touching:

     Due to a female’s changing hormones this means that the arousal response and female sexual response cycle is delayed more and harder to stimulate, unlike when she is younger, before menopause.

     If the couple spends a lot of time touching and kissing not only will this naturally get the woman in the mood if enough kissing and touching is done but just this kind of intimacy, if done right, meaning not rushed but enjoyed by both partners, it will increase intimacy and closeness between the couple (Kay, 2021). In my experience with making love to both men and women, this is just as important, and especially in the case of making love to a boyfriend when I occasionally find myself in a same-sex relationship, I find that just physical intimacy, meaning touching, holding, and kissing is even more important than anal intercourse. When I’m with my wife I find that considering she is post-menopausal I have the sex toys and add to that the kissing and touching and that usually puts her in the mood.

     Another trick that works for some women is for her lover to use ice cubes during foreplay to heighten arousal. This works for some women but not all.

     These are but a few of the many techniques to bring a woman to orgasm after menopause.

     Although the sex after menopause for women is not exactly like when she is twenty years old, still, as we have seen, if done properly, women can have happy, healthy sex lives well into old age and until death.

References

Begum, Jabeen, MD. (2023, October 09). Sex and Menopause. WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/menopause/sex-menopause.

Ellis, Esther L. (2023, September 18). When does menopause start? Duke Health.

https://www.dukehealth.org/blog/when-does-menopause-start

Kay, Carolyn, MD. (2021, May 14). Yes, you can have an orgasm after menopause – here’s how. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/menopause/can-a-woman-have-an-orgasm-after-menopause.